Ouch

So…I have things to blog about. I’ve laid awake for two nights composing rough drafts of this post and mentally trashing them all. Nothing I could write could possibly convey what it is the I’m really feeling. But here goes…

My best friend, and her children (ie Caedmon’s best friends) moved to Pennsylvania Sunday night. It was one of the most gut wrenching events of my life.

I know that might sound dramatic, and maybe it is…but seeing my precious 5 year old boy laying face first on the sidewalk at almost 1am screaming, “Please God let me die so I never have to feel this way again!”, pretty much ripped my heart out.

I scooped him up off of the sidewalk and into my lap and we sobbed together as we watched them drive away.

Eventually we made it back into the house where both of us cried so hard that we could barely speak. I managed to get Caedmon into his bed and prayed with him. Mercifully he was so exhausted that he was sound asleep by the time I walked out of his room.

I wasn’t so lucky.

I spent the rest of the night/morning tossing, turning, crying, and texting Liza to make sure that she was staying awake on the road.

I must have eventually fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was morning and I was clutching my cellphone in my hand with my eyes swollen shut.

We’ve been doing a bit better since then, but our emotions are still pretty raw. Caedmon cried today when he heard me ask Liza if she was at McDonalds. He automatically asked if we could go hang out with them at McD’s and just as quickly realized that they were at a McDonald’s all the way across the country.

Weisers, you’ve left a hole in our lives and our hearts that will never be completely healed.

We love you.

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3 Comments

Filed under caedmon, parenting

3 responses to “Ouch

  1. wow..that is so hard! I will pray for your healing.

  2. My very best girlfriend in ALL MY LIFE moved several states away from me, too. It’s still not an ideal situation, but with free long distance we are as close in relationship as ever and still best friends. I’m sooo sorry! I do understand and don’t think you’re being overly dramatic AT ALL!

    LOVE your baby list~I have about 5 bumGenius and think they are just THE CADILLAC of diapers! I am looking at those covers now and am smitten! AH everything takes $$$. Somewhere I have a similar list…. (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  3. Scott

    The last 2 weeks have been the worst of my life. I have had a lot of time to sit and think about where things are going, what they were in the past, and what to do now. Most of the time I am just paralyzed and dont know what to do next. This weekend Liza and the kids are away in North Carolina and God has been working in me and showing me things. The sadness, worry, frustration, etc. I realize is what Liza goes through every time I travel. Multiply this awful feeling by the number of times I have travelled without her and the kids and I appreciate the deep loneliness and desparation that she has come to. The worst thing for me is that it has dragged out so long that she is almost numb to anything towards me. My intent is not to dump a whole lot of things on you. I dont talk to many people about what is going on between Liza and I. I write a lot. The purpose of this message is to thank you for being Liza’s best friend. During the move I was angry that she slowly shut me out and replaced me with you. And that she was as upset about moving away from you as I have been about our declining marriage. I used to be her favorite person in the world and I have slowly let that deteriorate over the last 9 years. You have been awesome for her. I dont know what kind of income I will be earning soon and how long this will take, but I plan on trying to squirrel away some money for her to either fly out to you or fly you here. Its time my family controls my life and not my career. Its time for us to focus on her rather than me. I just hope it is not too late. I dont know how you feel about me and I am sure I have become the default bad-guy in a lot of people’s eyes, but I dont care about that now. I only care about keeping our marriage and our family together. I feel like I will be a different person. Obviously I will be no matter how this pans out. Thank you, Leggetts, for being a part of our lives. I mean that in the current sense. I’ll be praying for your family especially you and Caedmon as you 2 have taken the brunt of this. He is a special little man and you are a special lady. I am sorry for everything.

    Scott

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